Sand, Salt and Meditation

Our annual family trip to the beach was a few weeks ago. It's a week of laughter and relaxation; good food and strong drinks; salty water and sandy children. By the end of the week, I'm exhausted. This year, I was better equipped for it than I have been in the past. This year, my meditation game  was strong.

I'll forever be grateful to the person who introduced me to meditation. (If you have family you need meditation. I'm just going to leave that there and let you read into it what you will.) It began me down a path that has completely altered my life. When I have gone a couple days without it, I can feel a difference in my attitude and my thought patterns. I knew going into vacation, that I needed to make time for it daily. So I did. And, honestly, sitting on the beach in the morning, with only the sound of the waves and the seagulls is a perfect setting for the mind to become quiet, peaceful and open to new insights.

Here were the top two that continued to come to my mind each day:

1. I am very small. As I sat and looked out over the ocean. It stretched forever out in front of me. The sky did the same. The clouds rolled in from somewhere I couldn't see; the dolphins, visible to me for short periods of time, returned to depths of water I would never know; the seagulls took flight on air currents I could not even feel. It was humbling. It was reassuring. If I am small, then my worries are also small. The problems that seem to sometimes consume my thoughts are tiny pieces in a massive puzzle and just as the waves continue to wash away the sand, they too shall pass. Since returning to the "real world", I've found that I have started reminding myself of this concept when I feel my stress level increase.
2. I am part of something grand. Sitting there, watching everything that was happening, experiencing all that occurs without a single thought, comment or action from me, made me feel the grander design of life. Most people I know are very intent on making things happen. They have a plan and they want to check off the steps to reach the goal. I often feel this desire also. Sometimes, it's nice to take a step back and observe all that happens without our intervention. For instance, have you ever considered all the steps it took to meet someone that turned out to be extremely special to you? Steps you took that you didn't even know were meaningful. Or when a situation occurs and you realize you have all the necessary skills/information needed to handle it and you were never consciously collecting that information? There is a bigger picture than the one we can capture in our personal view finders, of this I am certain.

It's in the quiet moments that I am able to grasp an idea that has eluded me or gain a sense of peace that gets pushed aside in busyness. Meditation allows me those moments. It also helps me to truly enjoy the chaos of life and family and vacations. It helps me to laugh as I'm bounding up stairs with a cooler, beach bag and chair strapped to my back in the pouring rain. In short, it teaches me how to truly live life as it is.

*If you are interested in beginning the practice of meditation, two apps to try are Simply Being and Insight Timer.

My Dog: My Guru

I had a blog planned out for today. It was outlined, details were being added. It was going to be clever and insightful. Then, I took my dog for a walk this morning.

Have you ever really watched a dog on a walk? She isn't worried about the weather or bugs or even where she's going exactly. There's an attitude, an approach, to the entire experience that's refreshing. From the moment I say the word, "walk" until the moment she collapses on the floor, she is ready, open and completely aware. Watching her, feeling the joy emanating from her, I realized that I could learn a thing or two from her.

So, here are the lessons I'm learning about yoga and life from my four-legged friend:

1. Be present. The second the door opens, she is there. Every bit of attention she has is focused on the moment we are experiencing. Her every sense, every part of her being, is completely consumed with the here and now. Think back, when was the last time you felt entirely focused on the present moment? The concept of being present is a popular topic for discussion these days. Everyone seems to blame technology and our obsession with our phones for the distance we create between ourselves and others. I'm not here to discount others' research, but I also don't believe that technology is the reason we are not present in the moment or in our relationships. Honestly, it's hard to be present. It's so much easier to check out when faced with negative emotions or difficult situations. Yet, interestingly, sitting in those uncomfortable moments reduces them and being truly open to the positive moments intensifies them.

2. Everything has value. My dog is as interested in a tall blade of grass as she is a rose, she is just as happy splashing through a big puddle left from the previous weekend's rain as she is crossing a creek. And, the reason why is because, she simply observes it, feels it and then moves on. She doesn't "know" that one thing is better than the other. Have you ever noticed how many things we've been told are better than others? We assess and place value on almost everything.  If you pay attention, you'll begin to see that many of our frustrations and disappointments are caused by these assessments.

3. Go where the road takes you. We come to a split in the path we're walking. She heads off down one path (the one that's dark and gloomy and filled with spider webs - she how my judgments hold me back?) and I decide on another. A simple call of her name, and she's back walking along in front of me, head up and tail wagging. She's not attached to a destination. She's not focused on getting somewhere to be happy. She's along for the ride, wherever that ride may take her. I envy that.

4. Collapse on the floor when necessary. Ok, so maybe you might choose a bed or the couch, but the point is, rest when you are tired. We walk in the door and she collapses, full on laid out, tongue drops to the floor and every muscle in her body melts into total relaxation. After a few moments, she'll lift herself off the floor and slowly meander over to her water bowl and then after a few drinks, she lowers herself to the floor once more. Within moments, I can hear her deep breathing. I realize she doesn't have bills to pay or lunch to fix and if you decide to lay down in the floor in the middle of the day, your boss might not grasp the beauty of it. But, we are a nation that suffers from insomnia and fills our days with task after task. We all could benefit from taking a break every once in awhile.

She may not be ready to substitute teach any of my classes just yet (she's mastered down dog and sphinx and corpse pose, but I'm not sure that'd be a very balanced class). Still, I think I'm going to follow her lead on a few things as I continue my journey.

You Matter

Today, I am wearing shorts that I couldn't wear a year ago, and I'm wearing them comfortably. I'm not writing about the achievement for recognition or applause, but because I see so many people posting about their early morning commutes to the gym or miles of running or newest diet. I want all of those people out there to be inspired by my shorts as much as I am. I want them to know that those hours of dedication and pounds of sweat, and sometimes even tears, will make a difference in their lives.

I also want to point out that I said a YEAR AGO. It takes time to get where you want to go. When I set out a year ago to get back to a certain strength and shape, I had to commit to a specific number of workouts a week. I couldn't tell a difference after two weeks, or even two months. Maybe by around month six, I started to see the woman that I knew was there smiling back at me in the mirror again. It's not easy, or quick, but at the risk of sounding cliche', nothing worth having ever is.

When I talk to people about yoga (you can insert any type of exercise here), I often hear the same hesitations spoken in different variations: not enough time, lack of motivation and fear. Let's look at these topics separately.

1. Time. First, let me say that I understand time constraints. At one point in my life, I had a full time job, was completing my Master's Degree, raising a child and maintaining a home. Needless to say, I wasn't hanging out at the gym five days a week. But, I also had a dog that needed to walk, so I would awake at 5:30 in the morning and take her for a little jog around the neighborhood. I had a friend that would walk around the field for the duration of her child's soccer practice. She wasn't the most popular soccer mom, but her legs had never been stronger. Or another that "races" her children in the pool while they are playing. She is spending quality time with them all while getting in a nice 30-minute cardio session. No shame if you haven't thought of these ideas, simply examples of how to fit in time to take care of your body.

 As for yoga, take one class a week at the studio and then create your own practice at home. Most yoga instructors are happy to offer private sessions to teach you a sequence that you can practice alone. My yoga practice now happens six days a week, even if I'm strength training in the evening. My body craves it and my mind needs it. Whatever you choose to do, commit time to accomplish your goal because... you matter.

2. Motivation. If you are living in the US, it is full-fledged swimsuit season and everyone is out at the pools and lakes enjoying the weather. And, let's be honest, while everyone wants to look good in that swimsuit, few of us actually feel good in that swimsuit. It's very challenging to quiet that inner critic when we shimmy off the cute little cover-up. This fact is why I encourage everyone to find a motivation that is more intrinsic. If you notice in the beginning, one of my goals was strength. I knew I was losing functional strength and that bothered me tremendously. I want to be able to hike three to five miles any day I choose or carry in ten bags of groceries from the car so I only have to make one trip. It matters to me that I am able to continue doing the activities I could do in my twenties with ease. That's intrinsic motivation. Yoga also offers me a quieter, more peaceful mind and presence. In turn, I'm better for my family, my friends and my clients. What inspires you? Listen to your initial answer and then follow it because...you matter.

3. Fear. What's to fear? Are you kidding? Everything! You could fail. You could look foolish. You could stand out and do something terribly wrong. Those more experienced could stare at you or reject you or laugh at you. Goodness, you could even bend over and split your pants right down the middle and expose your panties or boxer briefs (I know someone that actually did this). The truth is, all these things could happen to you. But, as my dear friend always says, "You're not going to die" and most likely that is true. While fear is a natural emotion and was very useful when we were hunting saber toothed cats, it now tends to inhibit us from doing what we most want to do. What is holding you back from dedicating yourself to a fitness practice? Is it more important than your dreams? If not, then accept it for what it is and face it because...you matter.

You matter. Let that little statement sink into your heart and mind. You have an important purpose for living this life and it's only with a healthy body and mind that you can reach that goal you desire.

Pose of the Week - Virabhadrasana III (Warrior III)

Another balancing pose, Warrior III carries all the previously mentioned benefits of improving  the  brain while strengthening the body. Similar to Tree and Eagle pose, Warrior III requires one to find balance and peace while standing on one leg. Unlike, the above mentioned poses, it also asks the student to hinge the torso forward causing a shift in the center of gravity. The challenge of the pose is created by moving the limbs further away from the body, requiring concentration, focus and strength.

Getting Into the Pose:

1. Begin in Tandasana (Mountain Pose), firmly grounding bony parts of the feet into the mat as you engage the muscles along the front and back sides of your body.

2. Keeping your arms straight at your sides, bend the knee of the left leg.

3. Begin hinging your torso forward as the left leg rises and straightens behind your body.

4. Both legs remain long and strong. The toes of the left leg are pointed toward the ground. Abs and glutes are engaged to maintain balance and lift.

5. Arms can remain at your sides, in a prayer position in front of your heart, reaching forward in the same direction as the toes of your right foot or in a T position stretching out to the right and left of your body.

6. Gaze is down and resting about a foot in front of you. Hold for five to seven breaths.

7. To come out of the pose, bring arms back to a prayer in front of your chest. While lowering leg, lift torso back to upright position.

8. Complete steps with other leg.

Benefits:

• Strengthens legs, gluteal muscles and abdominals
• Improves memory
• Improves concentration
• Encourages better posture
• Invigorates the body
• Focuses mind on body, not running thoughts

Have fun with this pose! If you are beginning your practice, remind yourself that it is not how high your leg rises or how far forward that your torso bends, it is the use of ALL your brain to balance your body. Also, as you become more comfortable, play around with the placement of your arms to see how moving them changes the feel of the pose.

Relationships: Practicing Healthy Detachment With Those We Most Treasure

I was walking through the airport one evening, having spent  a blissful weekend away, reminiscing on the events of my short vacation and looking forward to sleeping in my own bed again. I looked back at my carry-on only to realize that my favorite black cardigan had fallen off at some point and was most likely gone for good. Let me explain, this was my go-to black sweater. For a girl who is constantly shivering in air conditioned restaurants, theaters, etc., this one item, though seemingly insubstantial was important to me. I experienced that small sinking feeling one gets when she realizes something she treasures is gone forever. But, my yoga has taught me to let go of that which I cannot control. So, I shrugged my shoulders and with a little pride in my personal growth, released the loss with little thought.

That pride I felt over releasing my sweater or that I get after donating a trailer full of items to charity, turns to humility quite quickly when I focus my attention on detachment in relationships. In the Yoga Sutras, Pantajali stresses that attachment to our reality of a situation causes us suffering. I've found that when desires flare up in matters of the heart, it is much more difficult to accept the situation as it is and flow with the moment. For it is in these moments, that my impulse to control feels strongest. In these moments, I am fully aware of how far I still have left to travel.

But, I am learning. And, I've learned that these things get me back on my path of holding gently in the relationships I most treasure...

1. Communication. Where haven't you heard to work on communication, right? But here is why it is a key component of detachment. We become attached to people and outcomes because of the perceptions we carry around in our minds. It's so easy to believe that the way we see a situation is the way that situation really is. Yet, have you ever asked a person why they did something and their answer surprises you? I can more easily release my need to control in a relationship when I remember that the person for which I care has his/her own feelings and perceptions. And the only way I can know that is to ask questions and listen to the answers.

2. Self Reflection. Simple truth - we all have baggage. Even those who grew up in perfect families (is there such a thing?) and experienced perfect childhoods (again, who didn't encounter a bully along the way?) have been hurt by life. We carry those disappointments and insecurities along with us everyday. Unfortunately, it's easy to let those past hurts color the present moment. Part of the practice I am working to implement is to stop and see what my motivation is for trying to control a person or situation. Is the situation touching some insecurity that is hidden within me? Is the outcome I'm hoping for going to fulfill some need of which I'm not totally aware? In either case, the other person in the relationship isn't at fault for that feeling. Recognizing that truth allows me to gracefully let go of judging their actions.

3.Acceptance. I've grown fond of the meme that is circulating that says, "Not my circus, not my monkeys".  It reminds me to walk with humor, but also, that the only real monkey I have control over is me. I'm part of a much larger circus with many more performers, but the only one I can control in any ring is myself. Accepting this simple concept reminds me to see each person in my life as an individual and respect the joy and wisdom they contribute to my life. This contribution would be lessened if they thought or acted just like me.

In the end, detachment in relationships isn't easy, but dedication to it is definitely worth it.

Namaste.

Pose of the Week - Vrksasana (Tree Pose)

One of the many benefits to a regular yoga practice is increased balance. As one ages, agility and balance decrease and can lead to falls and a general uneasy feel of movement. Interestingly, balance poses also have a very positive effect on the brain. The focus required in balance poses causes the student to concentrate all thoughts in keeping himself steady and stable. This is accomplished by actively engaging muscles from the feet up through the fingertips. It's a lot of work! And, in order to accomplish this task, your brain has to fire neurons across both hemispheres, requiring more effort than a typical calculus problem. In turn, the brain is more alert throughout the hours after and is free from any troubling thoughts while holding the pose. It's  a win-win.

Getting Into the Pose

1. Begin in Tandasana (Mountain Pose) with legs two fist width apart, grounding in through the four bones at the bottom of your feet and engaging the muscles up through your body. Begin with the arches of your feet, move up through the legs, bottom, abs, chest and back.

2. Maintaining the engagement of your muscles, begin to move balance to the left leg and rotate right leg so that inner thigh is now open.

3. Bend the right leg at the knee and decide on where the sole of the right foot will be placed on the left leg. Choices include propped at the ankle with toes touching the floor, at the calf or along the inner thigh.

4. When foot is placed there, focus attention on the place where the sole of the foot meets the leg. Both legs should be pushing against one another with equal pressure.

5. Bring arms to a prayer position in front of your heart. When fully balanced, reached your arms up over your head. They can remain in a prayer position or open wide like the branches of a tree.

6. Locate a point in front of you upon which to focus your gaze. Hold for 5-7 breaths.

7. Bring your hands back to prayer position in front of your heart and slowly release right foot to the floor.

8. Repeat with other leg.

Benefits

• Improves balance and stability
• Strengthens muscles in feet, legs and bottom
• Opens hips
• Stretches inner thighs
• Relieves sciatica
• Builds self-confidence
• Calms mind and relieves stress

When I began my yoga practice, I used this pose as a peak pose about three times a week. I would count my breaths and where my  foot was placed to gauge my progress. What I noticed is that some days I could hold it for one breath and others I could hold it for ten. The ultimate lesson - Be kind to yourself in the journey and accept where you are on any given day.

Open to Life's Gifts

Six months ago, I sat in a room with five people who were practically strangers to me and began work on my first ever Vision Board. Our instructions were simple - look through the pile of magazines that had been placed in the center of the room and pull out pictures, quotes and words, that were appealing to us. If we had goals in mind that we knew we wanted to achieve then we should look for symbols of those also. For about four hours, the only audible sounds in the room were those of the ripping of magazine pages, the metallic grinding and squeak of moving scissors and the passing moments as the clock ticked on. Thumbing through magazine pages I ran across the quote, "Open your arms and your heart to the gifts that life offers you". I wasn't sure why, but it spoke to me and I glued it to my board.

Fast forward to present day, four of those five strangers are now integral pieces of my life. One has become a mentor, one a calm voice of wisdom and two have become dear friends. Each teaching me in one form or the other to be open to the people that life puts in my path and the wisdom that they can provide. But if I shift my focus and take a wider perspective, I see that I'm being offered gifts and blessings from all different avenues of my life. There are the gym owners that graciously open their space to provide me with a room in which to teach yoga classes; the small business owners that are always ready to lend an ear or offer advice; the old friends that send love and encouragement from the other side of the country and the new friends who come to classes to support me; the past student that offers to edit my work and the one who volunteers to work on my website; and finally, the childhood friend that sends me incredibly useful information on a project that is dear to my heart.  Then, of course, my family that works as my foot soldiers and grass roots marketing team.

I had a conversation the other day, one that I was nervous to even engage in, that caused me to reflect on the importance of being open and mindful of the everyday moments when opportunities arise for all of us. Life experiences can harden us or try to break us. My life within the past four years has also been touched by personal trauma and while I'm not alone in my experiences, they can create a feeling of isolation. While healing, it's easy to build walls and try to protect one's self from the pain that goes along with being human. With this, one begins to lose a sense of mindfulness and the ability to recognize the beauty that life offers. I think it's what people refer to as "feeling numb". 

Looking back, I see that my yoga practice has reawakened my ability to appreciate the significance of small moments, the interconnectedness of experiences and seemingly little gestures and conversations. It is only when we open our hearts to the love that surrounds us and our minds to our own possibilities that we are able to create a life that will make the world a better place. And what could possibly be better than that?